Alike circles

Am I just a shadow of myslef?
All alone or in two?
Please, tell me if you know
I want to hear your opened mind
Why do I laugh so hard?
And sometimes I can only cry?
You
You are the only one who could tell me more
And you are the one who never tries to repeat your words
Or just your actions?

It’s not a blissful state even when you’re warm inside
‘Cause you’re waiting to feel hot outside
Inside’s talking to outside, they’re going round and round
On a circle that never goes up and never goes down

Are you just a shadow of yourself?
All alone or with me?
I will help you if I know
Scream to me with your wild voice
Why do you cry on your own?
And sometimes you can only laugh?
I
I am just a dream on two legs that makes you feel fine
And I am just another sin that takes away your time
Or just your poor soul?

Come on and melt my sweet body, melt

Another wondering…

I’m looking through my window and I see a miracle of nature, its beauty. Well, that view makes me wonder. I know I can be beautiful as this, I just wanna touch the beauty, I wanna feel it, I wanna feel that my beauty is really beautiful. Nonsense?

My best friend says you’re really beautiful, I envy you, but you should care for yourself, dear. It was a few months ago, now I feel better with my look. When you’re sick inside that’s not possible to feel good outside, I think. It destroyed my beauty, my confidence. I am trying to and I will be trying to take me back to feel good with my own body. Though I am too lazy to do anything, laziness covers my confidence. Living in the uncertainty. I must be brave to kill these things. And I’ve got my little helper, and I thank him. No more unnecessary words, just one promise after this introduction.

Well, I promise to change my visions and my beauty disease…

A bath full of affected applause

Now, when the world says yes, you should die on your own. I swear when I was 5, I had to be less fucked than you are. I’ve had enough of looking at your face, always regrets and it’s full of disconent. I’ve had enough of your playing and acting like someone you’ll never know. Why do you destroy my life? We both know that I wanted to give you peace and silence, but you don’t care about me. And yes, I’ll leave you and your needs, it tires me. Oh no, you’re saying you are nothing, yes, I want your death, you little shit…
It’s not a fun at all. Here’s almost 3 a.m. and I don’t see the line. I’ve got a heartache, I can’t stop crying, I can’t sleep. Have what you have got, you deserve this, only this. Don’t ask me for another chance, I’ve been waiting so long, now it just doesn’t matter. I won’t believe you, so die. Maybe you’ll see what you lost, you cunt in your inner suicide. No one’d like to help you.

The whiteness

How can I call a state between madness and sadness? I think emptiness squares here well and it squares with my mood, empty mood. I’ve always liked that word, I’ve loved to use it however now I know the meaning. So I am gonna lay in emptiness, with an empty head thinking about empty heart and wonder how empty I am. My emptiness is lazy, it’s very lonely, it can kill. Another twitter in my head saying of course, traditionally nothing. I shouldn’t have a voice so I’ll dry up. I’ve already forgotten. My words are nothing, nothing important, they are the thousandth slip. Welcome on my way and congratulations for being a person with full of plaintiveness. I even don’t see the reason to write it and share it with anybody. I am deaf, dumb and blind it means zero. And yes, I am the zero for myself.

The Renaissance and the rain

I wish I knew what to do and where is my way. Did my dreams tell me the truth or was it just another lie? Questions - friend or foe, good or bad and in the end life or death now they lost their meanings. I don’t care. There is my suspended state so I can’t move further. I didn’t expect this show so soon. I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to sleep all I want is to be happy, is that hard? What’s wrong? Well, I am trying but anxieties have appeared here again.
Please, remember that the sun always rises, we’re just too blind to see it. We’re standing, looking at ourselves and seeing the rain. Is that what you wanted to experience? Don’t stay in the cage, slowly dying there… baby blue.
Are you still here? Because sometimes I hurt you so - I wanna disappear. Well, you must be still here, it isn’t the beginning of an end and you know it. Did you see those tears in my eyes? No, you were too afraid to look there. Did you ask me what’s going on? No, ‘cause sadness eats your brain, it kills your heart, takes away your feelings. Yet, questions to yourself aren’t meaningless. Find yourself, you are here. Don’t replicate foreign bevaviours. Be yourself, I am still here.

Forever in the enternity

It’s late, again I don’t care. I feel used by my wishes. Short sentences, sorry. My enternity is this emptiness. I woke up this morning and the title appeared in my head, don’t know why. It’s like a dream or should be such like this. I am on the circle, the same, this old never ending circle and its curves, killing curves. I shouldn’t be sure of anything though I die for it. Leave me on my rainbow, don’t give me any hope, maybe I wanna be as I was before, before my fears. Fears of good and worthy life. Thanks, it has helped. I am calm again, just I try to fall asleep. Goodnight, dear.